Thursday, January 20, 2011

Five Steps to Weight Loss

Ready? You can lose weight with these five EASY steps. No dieting required.

Step One: Let your nine year old cook. Do you really need an explanation here?

Step Two: Cook stuff you always forget about, like pot roasts and casseroles, in the oven and simultaneously try to convince the three year old it's not OK to take his penis out inappropriately while breastfeeding a baby. There is almost a 100% guarantee that dinner will burn,and be inedible. If you do this often enough, weight loss is guaranteed.

Step Three: Take all the kids grocery shopping. By the time you leave the store you will have three boxes of crayons and some baking soda, but will be so anxious to leave before the baby has a meltdown over jelly beans that you forget to buy food. Serve ranch, ketchup and one box of mac and cheese for eight people that night.

Step Four: Skip dinner and go right to wine. After one glass, eat the baby's Gerber puffs you found under the high chair. Not only are they tasteless enough to discourage eating, but they are also low cal!

Step Five: Take all the kids out for pizza when they complain about the crappy mac and cheese with ketchup. Spend the whole time trying to convince the three year old food is good, and trying to keep the one year old from putting pizza in his hair. Add in the fifteen times you get change for arcade games and you have your workout for the day in! You don't have time to eat so you end up grabbing the lonely tomato left from last weeks salad when you get home.

Good luck Moms!

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